My Birth Story (Not What I Planned!)

My husband and I, we had a whole plan for how this was supposed to go. You know how it is. We took the classes, we read the books. We really wanted a vaginal birth. We had our bags packed, the playlist was ready… we thought we were so prepared.

When I finally went into labor, we were so excited. We got to the hospital, things were moving along, and I thought, “Okay, we’re doing this!”

But then… everything just… stopped.

I got to 9cm. And that was it. I was just stuck there. For hours. It was the longest, most frustrating feeling in the world. We tried walking around, I tried sitting on the stupid ball, literally anything the nurses suggested. Nothing worked. I just couldn’t get past 9cm.

I was so tired and honestly, I was starting to get scared. This wasn’t the plan.

Finally, the doctor came in and said we needed to talk about a C-section.

My heart just sank. I looked at my husband and I could tell he felt the same way. We were so, so disappointed. I felt like my body had failed or something. Like I couldn’t even do the one thing I was supposed to do.

But the baby’s safety was the most important thing, so we just said okay.

The next part was a total blur. The operating room was so bright and I was just terrified. But then, we heard him cry. It was the best sound I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

They held him up for us to see, and he was just… perfect. Our son, Jeremy.

In that second, all the disappointment about the C-section just kind of… went away. Not really, but it just didn’t matter as much. He was here and he was healthy. That’s all that mattered.

But I want to be real about the part that comes after. The recovery.

I’m an older mom, and I don’t know if that’s why, but my body is having a really hard time healing. Recovering from major surgery while trying to take care of a brand new baby is no joke.

How am I coping with it?

Honestly, some days I’m not. Some days I just feel overwhelmed and cry. My incision still aches, and for the first few months, I felt like I couldn’t even stand up straight. I’d watch my husband easily carry Jeremy in his car seat, and I’d get so frustrated that I could barely walk to the mailbox. I see other moms on social media who “bounced back” in a few weeks, and it’s hard not to feel… broken.

My husband has been a saint, telling me to rest, but it’s hard to feel so useless.

My “coping” has just been about letting go of all my expectations. The house is a mess. The laundry is piled up. Some days we just order takeout because I don’t have the energy to stand and cook. And that just has to be okay. My “win” for the day is taking a shower and having a hot cup of coffee.

It’s a weird feeling, being so incredibly happy and in love with this little boy, but also feeling so awful and frustrated with my own body.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my story. It’s not the story I thought I’d have, but it’s the one that gave me Jeremy. And I would do it all over again, 9cm stall and all, just to have him.

If your birth didn’t go to plan, or you’re healing slowly, you’re not alone. We all just do the best we can, right?